Happy St. Nicholas Day!

I couldn’t let the day go by without acknowledging that it’s St. Nicholas Day in the Netherlands and Germany and other parts of Europe. We never celebrated it when I was a kid, but my Mom sure did, and I’m writing about it here because for me, it marks the beginning of Weihnachtsdelerium, a German specific fever centered on Christmas that begins around now and ends on January 6, Three Kings Day. She and her brother, my Uncle Heinz (who is traveling to Tunisia for Christmas; ironic that my old German uncle has been to Africa a half dozen times or more and I haven’t been once) put their shoes outside their front door the night before, and St. Nicholas would come knocking at this door, with his faithful sidekick, Knecht Ruprecht (farmhand Ruprecht). St. Nick would ask my mom and uncle specific questions about their behavior throughout the year; if he determined that they were good, he would leave gifts in their shoes. If he decided they weren’t, they might get switches. What children feared was the sidekick Knecht Ruprecht who hovered in the background, ready to grab the switches and administer a whipping right there on the spot! My Mom says her cousin, Arno, would get a stomachache every St. Nicolas eve because he was always getting into trouble.

In addition to a possible whipping, you might get stuffed in a sack and sent to parts unknown, a fate much worse, according to my mother. She told me that Knecht Ruprecht had a big old sack with stocking-covered legs sticking out of it. In the Netherlands Knecht Ruprecht is replaced by six to eight black men. If you want to relieve yourself of all of the stress built up by all of this enforced holiday insanity that you’re subjected to this time of year, go here and read the short story "Six to Eight Black Men" by David Sedaris. You can also hear Sedaris read it on youtube. It’s in three parts; I’ll start you off with the first.

I guarantee you will laugh yourself sick.

There are racist implications behind the black men, which Sedaris points out, and it's unfortunate that modern Europeans have chosen to turn the devil into a blackface sideshow, although I don't know how I'd feel about actual black men taking on the roles either.  The Austrians, on the other hand, have chosen to stick with the original in the form of the hideous Krampus.

Leave it to the Austrians to come up with something that scares the living wits out of everyone. They have a "holiday" called the Night of the Krampus, where they don frightening masks, and fire is involved), and many others, are dark, but mostly because they are covered with soot from climbing down chimneys, or perhaps, climbing up out of the fire and brimstone of hell (some of these characters have cloven hooves, horns, and tails). There are a few assistants who are really black men, but they aren't portrayed in caricature.

In a way, a Krampus Night wouldn't be such a bad idea here in the States. It would help cut through all the insincere treacle poured all over everything this time of year. If you're Christian, it might remind you why you're celebrating Christmas in the first place, if not, it would be a welcome break from the holiday onslaught.

By the way, nobody in my mom’s family ever got a whipping or switches in his or her shoes, or carried away to parts unknown, not even my mom’s cousin Arno (who liked to administer beatdowns to my poor Uncle Heinz, who had a tendency to tattle).

The story of the historical St. Nicholas (we celebrate today because he died on December 6) can be found here, along with the legends that eventually transformed a saint into what we call Santa Claus.