I'd Rather Be Good Than Nice

The Huffington Post carried this article the other day about the difference between good people and nice people. It spoke to an idea that has been rolling around in my head for years. In it, the author Judith Acosta, outlined what makes a good person, and what makes a "Super Nice" person, not a nice person in the classic sense of the word, meaning pleasant, but something a bit more sinister.. I posted the checklists below, but the full article is worth a read. Calling someone nice always smacked of lameness to me. The etymology of the word "nice" says it all: [Middle English, foolish, from Old French, from Latin nescius, ignorant, from nescire to be ignorant.]

I am sorry to admit that I could check off one or two items on the "Super Nice" list but can say that I do try to plug away at the Good People agenda. The lesson learned (but somehow always known) is that good people are not always nice, and nice people are sometimes just no good. Both qualities can exist together, of course, and those people who have both, goodness and genuine niceness, are the ones I'd definitely like to know. In fact, I do know quite a few—they number among my friends and family.

Good People

• They understand the battle against evil but never take pleasure in its defeat, rather sadness in its necessity.
• They have consistent integrity.
• They say what they mean and mean what they say.
• Good men and women are warriors of a sort. They do not tolerate injustice but also do not seek to punish or exact revenge.
• They are temperate of mind and heart.
• They have substance.
• They are responsible in that they respond to others.
• They are appropriately (not helplessly or cunningly) selfless.
• They are empathic without being passive.
• There is no pretense in them, and they are willing to be good without seeking approval or awards of any kind.
• They are the last ones to see themselves as good and definitely the last ones to tell anyone they are.

Super Nice People

• They are "charming."
• They interact with a pseudo-intimacy, behaving as if they'd known you personally for years.
• They engage you on their terms only, even if you don't realize it.
• They can seem very passive and quiet.
• They relate to you on the surface and let you in only so far.
• They do not respond to your needs but gloss over them in a way that makes you wonder what you needed that for.
• They are very intent on pleasing others or ingratiating themselves into a social network.
• They need to maintain a persona or a position in a social circle at all costs because how they are seen is more important than who they are.
• They manipulate.
• They are like perfume -- very sweet but often used to cover what is deeply offensive.
• They have no compunction about lying to get what they want so long as they are nice about it.
• And, they will inevitably tell you how good they are.