Have You Had Your Schadenfreude Today?
I had a conversation with one of the subjects of the gossip, who told me to let it go and not get myself worked up over nonsense. That we both knew the truth and should not get mired in another's negativity. That person was right. All that little exercise in gossip did was help us gain a better understanding of our friendship.
Still, when I heard that a misfortune happened to that person, not a big one, thankfully, but enough to make me feel as if they got bit with some instant karma for the negative stuff they put into the universe, I indulged in what is generally known as schadenfreude—taking pleasure in someone else's misfortune. I was going to keep it private, because ultimately it's a nasty bit of business to take pleasure in someone else's schmerz, but then I started thinking about how much I dislike this emotion, and how pervasive and insidious it has become in our public culture and how I wanted to write about it.
There is the kind of schadenfreude that comes from righteous indignation. The Madoff scandal provides a good example. I don’t know anyone who didn’t practice more than a little schadenfreude when Bernie Madoff went to jail for life and his wife got booted from their penthouse and has to live like the rest of us. No punishment, it seems is too good for Madoff, and schadenfreude in this case acts like a cathartic. Schadenfreude does have it’s light moments: Who doesn’t like to see the villain in a movie get his or her just desserts? It can be positively satisfying.
It’s the kind of schadenfreude born of jealousy and ill will that worries me. The kind that makes us watch "reality" shows and laugh at the messy lives of others, patting ourselves on the back that our lives may have problems but we're not that bad off. The kind that rises out of another German term Glückschmerz—unhappiness in another’s good fortune. The "my-life-stinks-and-their-life-is-wonderful-so-ha ha-if- something-bad-happens-to-them" kind of thinking that is just wrong. It’s the schadenfreude born of wanting to exact revenge on someone who has wronged you that eats at the soul. Are we that lost, insecure, and spiritually untethered that we reflexively find joy in someone else’s misfortunes, or spend valuable time thinking about avenging every wrong? Am I?
I’m asking myself that because I’m disturbed by my reaction. This may not be a completely bad thing. According to an individual commenting on a New York Times article about the use of the word, some native Germans told him that to Germans schadenfreude means feeling guilty about the pleasure one feels because of another’s misfortune. That may be the deeper meaning, or that may be a revisionist definition that Germans made up so as not to have to take credit for such a word describing such an emotion. Being half German myself I know that Germans have not cornered the market.
Wait for it . . . Wait for it . . .
Okay so I indulged in this misbegotten emotion. Now what do I do to move on? There is an opposite to schadenfreude, and as often happens it is found among the Buddhists. There is a concept called mudita, which translates into sympathetic joy” or “happiness in another’s good fortune.” I know we all have experienced that, but how many of us do on a daily basis, feel happiness for anyone aside from our closest loved ones? I haven’t for a long time, but intend to, even if I have to go out and find someone to feel good for. I don't think it's going to be that difficult to find someone, but I do think sometime it might be difficult to indulge in selfless joy of another's good fortune, especially if we're feeling not so joyful. Its sounds easy, but I think it will take practice. At the very least we can always try those very tried and true emotions of empathy, pity, and compassion in the meantime. The rewards are great.
Comments
Peace and love, and thanks for sharing with such an honest open heart x
As is often the case with our darkest impulses, the people who need to worry about schadenfreude and the people most likely to wreak havoc with it are those who can't recognize it for what it is. The fact that you're bothered by that mean little spark proves that you have nothing to worry about.
So I say enjoy your schadenfreude!!!!
I am just a random surfer who was
seeking, a bit desperately, for a way to deal with the familiar, smelly & scary feeling of schadenfreude. I'm greatful I found your article/comments, it gave me new ways to look at it and to practice kindness, first of all towards myself. Thanx